I remember my mother saying that change is part of life, so I have to take the good and the bad and move on. However, what I do not remember her saying is that sometimes when life changes the damages can be huge and difficult. Some changes can make you feel helpless, powerless and hopeless making it difficult to move on. Sometimes it comes to the point that you feel you are a failure and you are ashamed.
Living according to what momma said can sometimes be a daunting task until the moment you realize that what she said was simply a reflection of her life experiences and not necessarily your own. Unfortunately, for us children, what our mothers say is the gospel truth. However, from what our mothers’ words and beliefs, we can create an unconscious measure for how we carry ourselves. In the end, we realize that depending on our mother’s expectations; we can do better than when we do not follow their beliefs.
We cannot underestimate the power of the mother-child relationship because it ties us biologically and emotionally together. From our mother’s thoughts, feelings and biology we float together in the same sea.
We witness everything that our mothers go through aside from the fact that we are hardly alone physically. We hugely depend on where our mothers are emotionally, and we have brains and nervous systems that connect to how our mothers reflect and carry us without prior knowledge. Even if their feelings have nothing to do with us, we can tell when we are rejected, abandoned, accepted and connected.
I have a better understanding of how the creative process of life works. While the experience has humbled me, it has also saddened me given the amount of vulnerability that we face because of growing up with many misunderstandings. However, the same is true for our mothers who cannot help us in any way unless they have outgrown their cultural, intergenerational conditioning.
It is to our full knowledge that the surroundings at conception, during the gestation period, during birth and the first five years after birth hugely affect how a person is going to feel about himself, other people and life as a whole.
The early templates that we come across are responsible for changing our mind and body systems for our entire lifetime. For children who are lucky, this may not be a challenge, but for others, their life can be filled with emotional challenges forming an invisible cloud in their mind. As time goes by, the emotional challenges affect the areas in their brains responsible for socializing and thinking. As a result, the affected persons experience symptoms such as prolonged levels of anxiety, depression and mood swings. For many people, this results to self-hate and lack of care for themselves and others.
Even though childhood comprises of accumulation of experiences and influences from the people that we meet, our mothers play the biggest part. However, the mother is not solely responsible for creating a good environment. During pregnancy and as the child grows, how the father treats the mother matters even if the baby is still in the womb.
For instance, when the mother receives utmost care, respect and real love from the father, her body resonates with the same energy and zeal making the baby feel safe. On the other hand, when the mother is harshly treated, the baby will feel that the world is not safe.
The same is true when the baby is born and growing. The energy around the mother affects how they judge things. Even though many people do not know this, it is the truth of the biology of life. Here are some examples:
The courts that schedule child visitation like 3 days with mom and 2 days with dad and vice versa are doing so in the name of “parental rights.” However, this beats the logic of common sense and neuroscience because when the baby is developing, it needs a calm and proper connection but not chaos and disruptions.
Most Child Protective Service Systems do not adhere to the basic principles of attachment and regulation. As a result, the same system that was designed to be there for children is the same one that causes trauma for them.
An educational system that has no understanding of how to create a good environment for children to feel safe and learn is also not helpful in preparing the children for the learning process.
Mothering does not happen in a vacuum, and it is important to note that the environment that we create for them helps in creating a better future for the babies. We need to love the mothers and create for them a good environment that their children can emulate. Let us show some love for the mothers today.